The Obligatory Holiday Special

The Golden Girls: The Lost Episodes

Thank you for being a friend! Not only is the familiar opening lyric of “The Golden Girls” theme song, it’s exactly how a certain reviewer felt while watching this brand-new, world premiere holiday installment of these long-running parodies. It was like returning home to reunite with my favorite granny,  aunties and sisters. I mean, wasn’t it only yesterday that multitalented David Cerda, artistic director, actor and playwright extraordinaire, began presenting his bold, bawdy and beautifully produced pastiches of this beloved television sitcom? It sure feels that way and I’m so thankful and happy to experience yet another, much-welcome installment of Mr. Cerda’s audacious adult humor.  

 The actual television program began airing in 1985 and ran for seven wonderful years. The sitcom can still be enjoyed in syndication on the Hallmark Channel or streamed on Netflix and Peacock. And, although all four incredible TV actresses who brought us so much love and laughter have sadly left us, Mr. Cerda both honors their memory and keeps these characters alive and entertaining us with his lost hilarious episodes. These lovely, lusty lampoons feature Dorothy, Blanche, Rose and Sophia, as well as their many bizarre friends, relatives and neighbors. And this new show is no exception.

In this “Obligatory Holiday Special,” Sophia’s dear friend, Nancy Drew (yes, THAT Nancy Drew), confides that her residence, Shady Pines Retirement Home, is closing due to a lack of government funding. Nancy and Sophia first met, back when Dorothy took her mother to live there a few years back. Sophia has never forgiven her daughter for that heartless gesture, calling the place “a hellhole.” But thankfully back home again, when pressed about the senior living facility, Sophia admits she was exaggerating and that without this caring institution many of her elderly friends, like Nancy, will become homeless for the holidays. 

The Golden Girls all decide to come to the rescue by offering their Miami home as a temporary place to stay, as well as for the annual Shady Pines Christmas Party and Talent Show. Thanks to Blanche’s seductive summons, handsome Councilman Dick Hardin also attends the festivities. The Girls perform some provocative musical numbers in the Talent Show, in the hope of persuading Hardin to rethink his mandate about shutting down the senior residence. Meanwhile, Rose is filled with excitement and quivering with anticipation as she plans a trip back to St. Olaf for the Herring Bowl Parade. Both stories come together perfectly and, of course, hilarity ensues.

The divine David Cerda returns to play the deep-throated, caftan-covered Dorothy Sbornak. I cannot imagine another Chicago actor, male or female, who could play Bea Arthur’s inimitable portrayal of this Golden Girl as perfectly. Some of the funniest lines roll from Cerda’s lips and the biggest laughs often come simply from the actor’s deadpan double-takes. Towering over almost everyone, Dorothy doesn’t have to do too much to “take stage.”

Another comic genius in every Golden Girl parody is the incomparable Ed Jones, once again playing the lovably naive Rose Nylund. With his highly-styled winter wheat hairdo, those exquisitely-fitting, beautifully designed frocks and his delirious deer-in-the-headlight facial reactions to everything his cast mates say and do, Mr. Jones always brings the house down with every performance.

Still another actor who has made an art of playing his Golden Girls character immaculately, Grant Drager once again makes the Slut from the South, Blanche Devereaux, into a gut-busting babe. Cinched into some gorgeous 90’s fashions, this actor is another comic genius. His steamy batting, heavily made-up eyelids, that steamy sex appeal and those hilarious hip thrusts help make Blanche a character you simply can’t take your eyes off of. And in this episode, Drager gets to sing and gyrate in a holiday hostess gown that puts the hoe back in ho-ho-ho.

Of course, The Golden Girls wouldn’t be a complete set without handsome Ryan Oates’ portrayal of that cynical Sicilian, Sophia Petrillo. Often relegated to being more of a supporting character, in this lost episode Sophia gets to shine as a star. Oates is so funny as he mimics Estelle Getty’s performance: her tottering walk, her staccato line delivery, her hawklike glare—every subtle nuance and deadly-delivered laugh line makes Sophia a gem.

Naturally, the supporting cast is wonderful. Robert-Eric West, who earns appreciative applause for his fantastic costumes (Rose’s emerald green satin dress and Blanche’s bright red holiday gown are especially beautiful), has been appearing lately onstage as Nancy Drew. Handbag favorite character actor, Danne W. Taylor, has been home, recuperating from an illness, and Mr. West has been playing the role in his place. Mr. Taylor is much missed, but Mr. West has filled Danne’s pumps perfectly and is doing a terrific job. Also getting more stage time, the very funny Terry McCarthy shows that he’s not just a pretty face. He’s playing a comical, yet commanding, Nurse Ursula, from Shady Pines. The always incredibly hysterical Lori Lee, opens the show as the Hostess, but then goes on to play both Clara and her mother. The drop-dead dazzling Coco Sho-Nell turns up as Wanda, a woman with a secret or two to share. Ensemble member Michael S. Miller plays it straight as the custom-coiffed Councilman Hardin. And another familiar ensemble face, handsome Michael Rashid is emphatic and effervescent as Esther, the Jewish volunteer from Shady Pines, with a bell on every tooth.

The very talented Spenser Davis returns to Hell in a Handbag to direct this exciting new production. He’s responsible for keeping the show perfectly paced and finely focused, while extracting top notch comic work from his talented cast. Christopher Rhoton’s sumptuous scenic design is simply phenomenal. He both faithfully creates the interior of the iconic Miami home, from The Golden Girls TV series, while still providing enough space for this large cast to act, sing and dance. The famous lanai, that can be seen through the upstage glass doors, is stuffed with lots of lush tropical plant life. And, as always, Sydney Genco’s topnotch makeup design and Keith Ryan’s outlandish wigs really add so much and truly make this show.

Another rollicking trip down memory lane with Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia is Chicago’s gift for the holidays. Hell in a Handbag is serving up a generous helping of new offbeat, side-splitting adult humor that won’t be found anywhere else around the Windy City. Beneath the pretty period costumes, the pouffy wigs and the preposterous plot there beats a gentle heart. It’s what made the television series such a beloved experience. Because, in the end, amid all the humor, “The Golden Girls” is really a time honored tribute to simply being a friend.      

Highly Recommended

Reviewed by Colin Douglas

Presented November 26-December 30 by Hell in a Handbag Productions in the 3rd floor Hoover-Leppen Theatre at The Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted St., Chicago.

Tickets are available at the door or by going to either www.handbagproductions.org or www.buytickets.at/hellinahandbagproductions/775153.

Additional information about this and other area productions can be found by visiting www.theatreinchicago.com.